Had a talk with daddy mak.
I cried myself out.
Simple as that.
I think of those days i spent in P division. Good and bad.
I feel the desire to go back. But how long will i last? Will i leave again this time?
I have no guts to go back. What would they think of me?
I dont wanna go back just because i want to keep my friends. I wanna go back is because i wanna gain something out of it, like my initial goals.
It is pointless, if i choose the first option.
Like i said previously, if you still treat me as your friend, you would still look for me as usual. But most of them didn't. I called or smsed them, yet they didnt reply.
I guess I am just a passer-by in their lifes. Except daddy mak and Esther.
A passer-by with different vision.
It hurts me to know that.
If i am wrong, please correct me.
Tell me you still want me to be your friend.
I am still taking time to get over it.
Trust me on that. I'm still working on it.
I hate my harsh decision.
I hate myself for not fufilling my promises.
I hate myself for letting both of you down.
You know who i mean.
The 2 most important mentors in my life.
Till now, it remains the same in my heart.
Right now, i still remember what are my 2007 resolutions. The empty resolutions i have made. They are always on my mind. Just like my initial goals.
Ms Gini, it's nobody's fault except mine. It's my fault. I let you and him down. Like i told you, i have wasted everyone's time. And no more. Hope you and him are not angry with me.
Sigh. I miss all of you.
My apologies. I am getting emo here. I jsut want to lash out my pain. Thats all. Hope you understand.
Joreen.
Monday, March 19, 2007
for the last time... my final confession
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